As a child and especially once I hit my teenage years, I felt as though I moved through the world differently than others. I've always been deeply creative and sensitive but there were silent struggles I dealt with that I wasn't sure how to express. Sensory issues, trouble connecting with peers, and lots of anxiety were the norm for me. Having both two cousins and two nephews who had been diagnosed with autism, I started to really wonder if that was what I'd been going through too. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood, at age 27, that I found a local autism research center that did autism testing for adults. The process was daunting at first with lots of paperwork to fill out and two different psychiatric assessments but things moved quickly and I ended up being formally diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Level 1 in 2022. I was relieved to finally have an answer after years of questioning. I don't view my autism as a hindrance to my life but simply something that's a part of me that I have to acknowledge and adjust to. I'm happy and thankful to be surrounded by friends and family who love and support me and to have the time and resources to attend regular therapy sessions - which have only improved my outlook and mindset.

My Rainbow unicorn. I purposely waited until I felt like I was ready to have a child. I had a plan. When I decided to try to have a baby I had a miscarriage. It was truly devastating, I thought God was telling me I waited too late, or motherhood just wasn’t for me. But as just as the saying goes… there is always a rainbow after the storm. I birthed a beautiful perfect little girl…my rainbow baby. She was smart, learning letters and numbers way before other children her age. Other parents were all shocked and amazed. They didn’t notice the things I noticed; she could be in the room full of children playing but she’s laser focused on reading the entire room and ignoring everything else. How she would get extremely upset with anything that she could not learn on the very first try. Or if she didn’t like her surroundings she would cry excessively until we left. People said “oh she’s just “quirky” a little different, unique. My husband and I got her diagnosed at 5 years old. Autism level 1 or “Asperger’s “. Autism isn’t new to me because I have family who are also on the spectrum, so our entire family is supportive. It’s hard for people to know, or even believe me sometimes because she’s very chatty, can hold a conversation and extremely affectionate. Shes now 10, loves all things pink and ironically rainbows. We have monthly therapy to work on social anxiety. God gave me a motherhood that I didn’t plan for..he gave me just what I needed. Now I can’t see my life without my Beautiful little rainbow

Christopher and Noah. 12-16-2009 and 1-3-2014: two dates that became the best days of my life. The days I met my sons-my greatest loves. What I didn’t know then was that both of their journeys would begin to mirror each other at the age of 2. Both of my boys showed developmental delays. Both had speech challenges. There were visits to two different neurologists, questions, uncertainty, and so many emotions to sort through. But through it all, there was one diagnosis that would forever shape our family’s path: autism. From that point on, my life became a beautiful kind of deja vu; seeing double in so many ways. Two first days of school. Two speech therapists. Two occupational therapists. Two individual journeys, each unique, but connected by a bond only my dynamic duo could share. There were hard days, uncertain days, and days when I had to be stronger than I ever imagined. But standing here today, I can say with my whole heart that every step of this journey has been worth it. Because now I see two incredible young men who have grown, progressed, and persevered in amazing ways. Christopher and Noah are my dynamic duo, my superheroes, and two of my greatest blessings. Autism plays a huge role in our lives, and because of this journey, I advocate every single day for patience, understanding, and compassion...doubly so. Being their mother has been one of the greatest honors of my life. And if I had to do it all over again, I would choose both of them every single time.

For a long time, I thought faith was a staircase I climbed toward a life of “blessings” and predictability. But raising a child with autism has taught me that faith is more often a descent-a journey into the heart of a GOD who meets us in the messy, the non-verbal, and unexpected spectrum. My oldest son, Sundiata, has autism. He will be 27 this coming June. He is a “man after GOD’s own heart”; mild mannered (mostly) and a basketball fanatic. He is my heart. There have been many seasons of lament though. I have set at the “wall” grieving the dreams I had for him and the life I thought he would lead. In the past, the silence of GOD felt like the silence of Diata. But I have learned that “enlarging my soul” requires me to stop running from the pain of this loss and instead, let it soften me. Relying on CHRIST hasn’t meant the struggles disappear; it has meant that the struggles now have a divine purpose. In the meltdowns, I have found the patience of the FATHER. In the “in between” spaces of waiting for breakthroughs, I have found the peace of the HOLY SPIRIT. In Diata’s unique way of seeing the world, I have glimpsed the image of GOD in a way I never would have otherwise. I am being re-built, brick by brick, into someone who can love without conditions, just as I am loved by my FATHER. If you find yourself weary today, remember that you are not walking in this valley alone. The GOD who created your child or family member is the same GOD who is sustaining you. Your exhaustion is seen, your tears are collected, and your faithfulness is forging a spiritual depth that few truly understand. This journey is the very ground where GOD is making you more like HIM. “The LORD will fulfill HIS purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands” PSALM 138:8 “But HE said to me, ‘MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness” 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9 Be encouraged; JESUS is not finished. He is an expert at taking what feels broken and turning it into a masterpiece of grace. To GOD be the glory!